I'm going crazy. I have too much going on right now..I literally feel like I'm going insane. I am having a hard time, an EXTREMELY hard time coping. I am having thoughts that legitimately frighten me. I am turning cold on the inside. I don't want to be an empty shell, but I fear that's what I'm becoming. My insides feel...funny...I don't even know how to explain it. They feel weak...And angry. I am feeling like the entire world is on my shoulders and I can't hold it up alone anymore. No one is getting what I'm dealing with. I'm sick of people thinking I'm an addict, or that I'm over exaggerating my pain...I'm extremely frustrated and lonely. I feel sick to my stomach, and I hate my life right now. I'm waiting on my neuro surgeon appointment and I am TERRIFIED for this surgery. No one gets that. Everyone keeps telling me to stay positive and that it will improve my life. What they don't understand is that I just can't take anymore disappointments right now. I literally can't. It WILL kill me. I had my nerve root block, and it worked so well. For a few weeks. Then my pain came back. And I cannot even explain what sort of a feeling that is. Its one that I've never experienced before...There is no word for it. But I cried for 2 weeks because I had gone from VERY minimal pain and not having to use my cane anymore to it all come flooding back and me having to hide in my basement and cry all day again. My life is starting to feel incredibly pointless. I feel as though I am wasting resources and air...I don't DO anything. Can't work, or attend school. Can't go out, can barely walk, can't live unless I take my huge cocktail of pills everywhere with me. I'm in a very dark place right now and I'm stuck. I don't know how to get out of it. I don't know how and I feel like no one can help me. I am so embarrassed that I'm feeling this way that i don't want to tell my doctors. I don't want to end up in some insane asylum because I'm depressed. I would have NEVER even thought of ending my life before, but now...I just don't know. I don't want them sending me to a psych ward because I am depressed that I'm in PAIN. If you get rid of the pain, then I will feel better. I KNOW I will. I just am thinking that there is no way to get rid of the pain. Its been three years and I'm feeling let down in every way.