What's New.

Alright, so I guess those of you that follow (if there are any of you!) are probably wondering what's going on. So, I've been mostly on pain medications. I was on oxycontin and valium. Those didn't work because they made me so tired. I just slept all day and night. Now, I'm on something called 'Riliva' (pain killer) and Lyrica, (anti-seizure medication to help with nerve pain). They have sort of been helping I guess. I need to try and get in to see my doctor tomorrow because I only take the pain killer once a day and it's not really working. Honestly, I just want my fucking MRI now. It's been almost a month. Apparently I am on an 'urgent' list for one. I think that's bullshit. I can't carry my freaking puppy outside!

Here are my main issues;

- Can't walk
- Can't sit
- Can't stand
- Can't clean my house
- Can't cook
- Can't use the bathroom. (Well, I can. It just takes 45 seconds at least from the time I sit down. Which isn't normal when you feel like you have to go so much you're going to explode.) You see, apparently, I'm having a hard time urinating...But not hard ENOUGH that they will take me into emerg. Awesome.
- Can't walk/play with my puppy
- ...Well, let's just go ahead and say that getting out of bed is even difficult.

I don't know how much longer I can put up with this crap. I wonder what happens when a doctor gets really sick? Do you think that they have to wait months for an MRI? No. I highly doubt that they do. I was talking with a girl I knew, she had to wait seven MONTHS for her MRI. Granted, she was not on an urgent list, but STILL. That is ridiculous. You see, in Canada, its free healthcare. Yaaaay!!! Right? Wrong. Of course it is great. BUT what it means, is that if you're sitting in the hospital and some crackhead bum comes in who walked in front of a vehicle while stoned out of his tree, HE gets treated first. Well that's great. And that is how it works. I remember one time, sitting in the hospital, feeling like my ovaries were going to explode. Literally pop. Then this crazy girl walks in, fighting with a guy who I can only assume is her boyfriend. He tells her he's leaving, blah, blah, blah, unless she gets help. All this crap. So she walks up to the triage desk and goes... 'I've been having feelings.' ...REALLY?! I have 'feelings' 100% of the time, as I'm sure the entire WORLD (not including sociopaths) do. Could you be a LITTLE more specific (which I am sure is what the nurse said) because she replied with 'Well, I'm feeling sad' ...Oh GOD. Go home, take some advil, down a container of ice cream, watch a sad movie and have a good cry. Your period will end in a week or so.

Okay, I totally got off topic and had a rant there. Anyways, I am sweating profusely (side effect) feel so nauseous and like throwing up (side effect) and I am tired as hell (side effect) ...Well then. I'm going to go lay down I think.

Hospitalization, trouble walking, eating, sleeping...etc.

I'm having sort of the darkest week of my life here. Since Friday night I have been having some of the most incredibly awful pain I've ever had. I can't walk, I can't sit, I'm having a difficult time going to the bathroom, all in all, I can barely function at the moment. I'm having a hard time doing anything on my own and am having to have someone with me constantly...Which is not always working.

Its been hard. I'm feeling incredibly lonely and sad, I'm angry and frustrated...I feel trapped. And I don't know what to do. I went to the hospital on Monday afternoon. I was there for around five hours. They were pretty good to me and had me in a bed within the first hour on account of I could not have sat there for all those hours...Anyways, the doctor told me that she thinks I have a disc protruding from my spine and pushing on a nerve. So, they sent me home with a shot of morphine and some percocets to take until I could get in to see my family doctor. Which was Thursday...So, this morning. He ordered an urgent MRI and gave me some oxycodone and valium to deal with the pain until we can get it. So now I guess we just play the waiting game.

So, I am currently in one of the worst places I've ever been in. I'm depressed and moody, I've been so sad and I just all around don't know what to do (I apologize if I repeat myself or if I don't make much sense...With all the medication I'm on and how strong it is I'm sort of all over the place) I hate everything right now...I feel SO alone. I am by myself all day and at night time when my boyfriend gets home he's tired. My friends are all super busy right now I guess so I haven't seen or spoken to any of them really. I'm thinking of spending some time with my mom. It's the only place I really feel a little bit better. Well, I'll write more later I guess...I'm pretty tired right now. Bye.