So, I'm trying not to worry so much about my test results as I've worried myself into the ground and I'm really tired. I've been cooking and cleaning all day to try and get my mind off of everything. It's worked a little but now I hurt worse than I did this morning. My leg has been hurting a lot lately. As has my lower back. *sigh* The boyfriend and I are taking a road trip out to see his family this weekend. Which is nice, I always love our car trips together :) And this time we get to bring our new puppy :) He's 11 weeks old and adorable.
He is a Basset puppy and very sweet and cuddly. He is currently, the best medicine available. He brings joy to me everyday. He makes me laugh and smile constantly with his sweet sad face and huge floppy ears(while there is equal amounts of unhappiness at the moment while he teethes and destroys things, that will get better in time) He is a big clown who loves to chase the cats. He is always tripping over his long ears and he is really starting to like his walks. I was feeling really crappy earlier today, (pain wise) and I knew he needed to go for a walk but I wasn't sure I had it in me. But since he is a living thing and has needs, I decided that I had to suck it up and take him out if even for a little bit no matter how much pain I was in. So, we went for a walk and I feel better :) Not necessarily my leg...But my heart and my head do. I love this little creature so much. I think that he is going to be a big part in my rehabilitation.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Trying not to freak out but.....
I have been a bad blogger, after my horrid weekend I just needed some time to recover, as well as adjust to my new meds and the side effects. I've been feeling better since starting the anti-depressants and stopping the pain killers (well, sort of...the pain is much more noticeable)
^ Okay, that ^ was from April 1st. Since then we've gotten a puppy and things have been crazy. So, here's what's new;
I've been having a LOT of pain, haven't been able to get in to see anyone. And currently, I am freaking out. Yesterday my boyfriend and I tried to have sex. It was incredibly unsuccessful as when we did I felt the worst, stabbing pain I have ever felt. I've looked into it and they say that most likely it's a cyst. As I've been having more back pain than usual and it hurts in that same spot to pee, and even to sit. For most women, a cyst is not a big deal. However, in my family my mother and Grandmother have both had the big 'C'. My mother had ovarian cancer that spread to her uterus. Her whole life was spent like me. Wondering why sex was painful, why she had heavy periods, why it always hurt. They kept on telling her it was all in her head. Until one day they finally did a biopsy. My mother had stage three ovarian cancer that had spread to her uterus. I am totally panicking and trying really hard not to. I haven't really told anyone, so this I think is why I'm blogging about it. I need to get it out of my system. Last year I had an abnormal pap test. I was supposed to go back to get checked again, but I never did. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow and we'll see what happens. I would prefer to see my own doctor, but I can't get in to see her until May 12th. That's all for now folks.
^ Okay, that ^ was from April 1st. Since then we've gotten a puppy and things have been crazy. So, here's what's new;
I've been having a LOT of pain, haven't been able to get in to see anyone. And currently, I am freaking out. Yesterday my boyfriend and I tried to have sex. It was incredibly unsuccessful as when we did I felt the worst, stabbing pain I have ever felt. I've looked into it and they say that most likely it's a cyst. As I've been having more back pain than usual and it hurts in that same spot to pee, and even to sit. For most women, a cyst is not a big deal. However, in my family my mother and Grandmother have both had the big 'C'. My mother had ovarian cancer that spread to her uterus. Her whole life was spent like me. Wondering why sex was painful, why she had heavy periods, why it always hurt. They kept on telling her it was all in her head. Until one day they finally did a biopsy. My mother had stage three ovarian cancer that had spread to her uterus. I am totally panicking and trying really hard not to. I haven't really told anyone, so this I think is why I'm blogging about it. I need to get it out of my system. Last year I had an abnormal pap test. I was supposed to go back to get checked again, but I never did. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow and we'll see what happens. I would prefer to see my own doctor, but I can't get in to see her until May 12th. That's all for now folks.
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